Girlfriends!

A woman HAS to have close, meaningful girlfriends. It’s not a preference, it’s a need (if any woman tells you otherwise, I believe that she is not being truly honest with herself and is probably experiencing a loneliness deep down inside.) Yes, we love our men dearly, but there is a need within us that can only be filled by our girlfriends.

There are certain topics that can only be shared and discussed with our girlfriends; there are emotions, ideas, feelings, concepts that only our girlfriends can understand; there are times of joy and happiness that only our girlfriends can relate to. Girlfriends are our support system, our divining rods, our fashion consultants, and advice givers. At the same time we can be as silly, outgoing, and/or adventurous as we want (think about being in the car, turning up the radio, and uninhibitedly singing loud and proud!)

I have been blessed with two fabulous friends that I met at my place of work. We laugh together, cry together, complain together, analyze together, and laugh some more together! I don’t think these two wonderful ladies realize what an impact they have had on my life.

When I first started at ARCADIS, Teri was a wealth of information! I’m sure she got so tired of all my questions! If she did, she never gave any indication. Teri is one of those friends that are a rare find. She is full of wisdom and never hesitates to give me her honest feedback. I know that when I really need a straight-forward answer (even if I don’t like it), she will give it to me. At the same time, she is compassionate, sincere, and always available to wipe away my tears and get me back on my feet again.

Shari is so bubbly, full of life, and bursting with energy. She keeps me so motivated. I love Shari’s passion for life. She has the ability to connect with me on a deep level, which I really appreciate because it is another rare find. She is right there along-side me sharing my pain, happiness, excitement, confusion, joy, etc. Her heart seems to connect to mine and experience what I am experiencing.

Both of these incredible ladies make me laugh…laugh in ways that I haven’t laughed in years! They are right there encouraging me or discipling me (believe me…there are times when I need it!) They share my life and understand it with me. I truly cannot imagine the past year without them! We seem to be connected in a way that we can truly be ourselves and not have to worry about being accepted by the others! We are the Three Musketeers…ready to take on whatever is thrown our way.

I Love You Gals!!!

(to see more pics, visit my Facebook)

My Son Austin...He Makes Me Laugh!

Okay, before I even start this blog, I'm going to give you fair warning that some of you may be offended. But this is my blog and I don't get uptight about a lot of things that most people do...and besides, I'm an Olson...we don't know how to be discreet!

First, let me explain the setting. Our main bathroom has two doors. One leads to the hallway and the other leads to my bedroom.

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the bathroom and went into my bedroom and shut the door to change my shirt. As I was getting dressed, I realized that I needed to put on some deodorant. I was in my bra and pants and had not heard anyone go into the bathroom, so I opened the door and walked in. There stood my son, Austin (12 years old) with a look of absolute horror on his face.

"MOM! PUT YOUR SHIRT ON!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!"

After realizing how horrified he was, I couldn't help but laugh. The look on his face was absolutely priceless. I reply,

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were in here." (Chuckle, chuckle)

"Don't worry, in a couple of years you won't think about anything but boobs!"

Austin replies,

"I already think about boobs all the time...JUST NOT YOURS!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!"

Here it is, weeks later and I still can't stop thinking about this incident and laughing. What would Freud think???? Frankly, I don't care. If you can't laugh at life...especially with family...who can you laugh with!

What I Hope to Instill in My Children Before They Leave Home...

1. Jesus is your Lord & Savior. Without Him, you are nothing. Your relationship with Him needs to be your #1 priority. Nurture it. Protect it. Devote your time and energy to it. Because of our sinful nature and our natural rebellion, once you lose it, it is very difficult to restore.
2. ALWAYS follow God’s will. If you don’t know God’s will, see #1.
3. Go to church every Sunday – no matter what!
4. Always remember that there is NOTHING God can’t handle. The key is giving it to Him and get out of the way!
5. Understand that life is difficult and hardly ever fair. Always do your very best and work very hard.
6. Tell the truth. Be responsible. Keep your word…they become a part of your character and integrity.
7. Never hesitate to help someone in need.
8. Never, ever hesitate to ask for help in any circumstance.
9. Mistakes and failures are opportunities to gain wisdom and experience. Never be afraid to make them and always apply what you learned.
10. If you always put others first, you will always be able to resolve any conflict.
11. Never hesitate to say you’re sorry. If you truly mean it, it can be the most powerful statement in a relationship.
12. Always have close friends that you can depend on, trust, and laugh A LOT with.
13. Never pass up an opportunity to try something new. It never hurts to try something at least once as long as it isn’t harmful to yourself or others.
14. Always, always, always be kind and respectful to others no matter who they are. You never know what a person has endured or what they are going through.
15. Know WHAT you believe, WHY you believe it and HOW to defend it.
16. There is a vast, exciting world out there just waiting for you. After you graduate high school, take a year to travel and experience it before you start college.
17. Before you decide on a career, take every personality and career test you can. Have a good understanding of who you are, what your passions are, and what you would like to accomplish in life.
18. Understand that you will not make it far in this world without a degree or learning a specific trade.
19. Choose a career that you enjoy doing and are passionate about. Remember, you will be doing it for the next 40-50 years of your life.
20. Learn everything you possibly can regarding finances.
21. Do NOT go into debt. If you don’t have the money – don’t buy it!
22. As much as we don't want it to be, understand that money and financial security are key to leading a stress-free life. This doesn’t mean that you have to be rich to be happy – it means that you need to be financially secure and live within your means.
23. Start investing in a 401k as soon as you possibly can. The earlier the better…even if it’s just $50/month. Do not touch this money for ANY reason!
24. Be VERY disciplined with your money. Save 10%, tithe 10%, and invest any extra funds you may have.
25. Date a variety of people. This will help you understand the type of spouse you are interested in spending the rest of your life with.
26. Love, sex, and marriage are sacred. Take them very seriously.
27. While God gave us the beautiful gifts of marriage and parenting, understand that both require a tremendous amount of work and grace.
28. Do not consider marriage until you are 28-30 years old.
29. Marry someone who is passionate about the same things you are.
30. Once you are married ALWAYS honor your spouse in every circumstance.
31. Never stop showing your spouse how much you love him/her and show it often.
32. Never stop learning. You will appreciate your education and gain even more knowledge if you have a thirst to learn.
33. You will never know everything and everyone you meet can teach you something.
34. Learn to appreciate the very simple things in life…dancing in the rain, a mug of hot chocolate on a cold day, building a snowman, wildflowers, laughter, friendship, puppies, music, warm cookies…
35. Exercise and stay active. Eat healthy and get plenty of rest. You will be surprised how it influences your life from your day-to-day activities to major decisions. The healthier you are the more you will enjoy life…especially in the late years.
36. Play as much as you can. Never suppress the child inside of you. Being footloose and fancy-free can be such a release.
37. Do everything you want to do before you have children. They truly do change your lifestyle.
38. Once you have children, make them a priority and don’t let a day go by without expressing your love to them. It is truly amazing how quickly they grow up and out of your reach.
39. To children, time is love. Always clear a spot in your schedule for them.
40. Understand ahead of time that your children WILL make mistakes and you need to let them. It may be the most important thing they do as they grow up.
41. Always be willing to listen and respect ANY child or teenager. You would be surprised how much they can enlighten you.

Calling ANY Angel

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I'm calling all angels

I'm calling all you angels

When children have to play inside so they don't disappear
And private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens
and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours

I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

-Song: Calling All Angels by Train

This song says so many different things in so many different ways to me right now.

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth…although I would have liked to. The month of September has been an extremely difficult month for me, and I’m trying to find my way back to some type of normalcy in my life (not sure that I had normalcy to begin with…)

First, our very close friends, that have been more than family to us, moved to Oklahoma. And while it was an incredible opportunity for them, it was devastating for me. Our families spent practically every weekend together and had established a lot of “traditions” together over the past 8 years. Their kids called my husband and me “Aunt & Uncle” and our kids called them “Aunt & Uncle”. They have been by our sides during some of the most difficult life experiences that we have had to endure, and I truly don’t know how I’m going to function without them here. I miss them terribly and I’m trying to put back together the broken pieces of my heart.

In addition, I slept an average of 2-3 hours a night for almost the entire month of September. I have not experienced sleeping problems before, so this was all new to me (when I get stressed out, I usually have nightmares and/or night terrors…not sleeping issues.) I finally went to see my doctor. First he doubled the dosage of my anti-depressants, but that only made the sleeping problems worse (he left me at the same dosage because it was helping me deal with all my other “issues”.) So, next he gave me some Ambien and put me on an additional anti-depressant called, Trazadone. Even though Trazodone is an anti-depressant, it is used mostly as a sleeping aid. I only take the Ambien when I am seriously sleep-deprived; however, I regularly take the Trazodone because I don’t sleep without it.

I’m not going to go into all my other “issues” at this point…but I do want to reflect on the song lyrics above. I can really relate to this song right now, but more on a personal level.

I need a sign to let me know you're here

I need some kind of sign…I’m not sure what or who that is…but I sure could use something at this point.

I need to know that things are gonna look up

I need some type of assurance that my life is going to work out and that there is something to hold on to.

'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

Basically, I just feel like I’m drowning period. It seems like every time I turn around lately, I’m getting slapped in the face about something.

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head

I truly feel that there is no where for me to turn for security or peace - no one to take care of me and no one to hold me up.

When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

It’s not the world that is shaking for me, it’s my foundation - everything that I have ever believed and everything that I have built my life upon is in question for me right now.

'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear

Really it’s my brain that keeps it all from being clear. I have such a desire to work through all the “crap” in my life and to be carefree and happy, but it seems like every time I really try I don’t have a clue as to how to “fix” it.

I want a reason for the way things have to be

Having some answers would really be helpful for me right now. So much has happened in the past few years that I don’t understand. I have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows…and there is so much that doesn’t make sense to me.

I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

I would just settle for a teacher and a guide to help me get through all of this. Not someone who is going to tell me to change my attitude and preach at me, but someone who genuinely cares about me and is sincere about understanding me and where I’m at and how to get through all of this.

And I'm calling all angels

I really could use an angel….

I'm calling all you angels

…or two…right now.

In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours

This phrase just really hits me square in the face. How many times have I thought “well, if I just had this…or if this would just happen…I would be happy”. Honestly, I’m not sure I know what happiness is anymore.

I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

Just another cry out for any angel who is willing to help a lost soul….

Nice blog huh? I wish that I had inspiring “happy” things to write about, but that just isn’t the path that God has put me on for this part of my journey. I’m hoping that once I find my way out of this deep, dark, confusing, and frightening forest that God will put me on a path full of bright sunshine and beautiful fields of flowers.

In the meantime…click on the link below to enjoy “Calling All Angels” by Train.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAKF3_hCSNs

Happiness?

“It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?”

If you have seen the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness”, then you may be familiar with the above quote.

This quote really struck me, because for years now, I have been pondering “happiness”. It seems that the older I get the harder life seems to be, and I don’t think that is the way it is supposed to be. Is it possible to truly be happy in our society and culture now days?

Watch the following video from the end of the movie, and note Chris Gardner’s reaction.

(Note: Do not watch this or read the rest of this blog if you haven’t seen the movie and you don’t want to know what the ending is…although I’ve watched the movie three times, and it still strikes a chord in me every time.)



I've watched this video more times than I can count, and I truly cannot stop smiling every time I watch it. Did you notice how emotional Chris Gardner was when he was told that he got the job? I watch his eyes every single time...the fighting back of the tears, tells it all. I can only imagine the depth of emotion he was feeling at the particular moment. I also love it when he leaves the office and is walking in the crowd of people...it is impossible for him to contain himself. When is the last time I've accomplished something that has meant that much to me? It's been a long time.

I expressed to a friend of mine my pondering of the above quote and the ending of the movie and received a very wise response.

The response was:

“Keri, do you think that anyone who received that job would have been happy as Chris Gardner?”
“No.”
“Why not”
“Because they didn’t work as hard and it’ didn’t mean as much to them.”
“Exactly. It wasn’t the end result that made Chris Gardner happy. It was the journey that got him there that made him appreciate the end result much more than the average person and this is what brought him happiness.”

If you haven’t seen the movie, it is difficult to understand what Chris Gardner went through to receive the end result. The man went through hell and he kept fighting when the majority of us would have given up.

Happiness? What exactly is it?

Is Thomas Jefferson correct when he said the “pursuit of happiness” and not just “happiness”? Is it the actual pursuit that makes us happy? When things are just handed to us (whether it’s a position, money, lifestyle, material things, relationships) do we truly get to enjoy the happiness that comes with it?

Hard work, determination, persistence, more hard work, optimism, will power, and even more hard work…is that the key to happiness?

Edwin Markham, an American poet (1852-1940), puts it this way:

Happiness is a thing of here and now;
The bright leaf in the hand, the moment’s sun,
The fight accomplished or the summit won.

Note the first line "Happiness is a thing of here and now." Do we miss the "happiness" because we are so focused on the end result?

I like how Markham includes simple things in life in his definition of happiness. I also like Storm Jameson’s, an English writer (1891-1986), interpretation as well.

“It is an illusion to think that more comfort brings more happiness. True happiness comes of the capacity to think freely, to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to risk life, to be needed.”

Is true happiness summed up as easily as this?

"Happiness" isn't found in the end result..."Happiness" is found in the journey to accomplish the end result and the harder the journey...the more difficult it was to accomplish...may determine the amount of "Happiness" that is found.

What determines "Happiness" for you?

I Want to Hear From You!

I'm continuing on my quest to figure out what I want to do with my life. I would love to hear any advice or input you have as I make this journey.

Are you doing what you love?

Why or why not?

If you are, how did you discover what you were supposed to be doing?

I would really appreciate anything you can offer!

Losing Battles

Black. Very black. The blackest of black. Thick ooze, like tar. Putrid.

It’s starts small, just a speck, but within hours it has consumed me to the point that I’m choking on it.

I feel it taking me over. I desperately try to stop it, but it is no use. Soon, it has consumed me. The black, thick, putrid, ooze devours me piece by piece and I slowly lose myself. I slip away. I know that as it eats me, it’s another part of me that I’m unable to save. Soon, it has completely consumed me. It has taken over every inch of me…emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. I’m gone. I’ve gone into the dark abyss and there is no way to get out - as much as I desperately want to be saved. Someone…please…help me. Don’t let it take me this time. Please…please…please.

Too late…I’m gone. I’m in the abyss of darkness and who knows how long I will be there this time. I’m moving in slow motion - like trying to move through quicksand. My heart is heavy. So heavy. The weight in the middle of my chest is unbearable. Every time I take a breath, I have to keep myself from choking on the sadness that envelopes by body. The sadness is so deep and so thick. I’m drowning in it. I feel like I’m wearing thick, heavy winter clothes and trying to swim. With each stroke I take, I sink deeper and deeper. I’m drowning. Drowning in the sadness and black ooze, and I don’t have the energy to try to fight back and save myself. I just want it to take over and let me sink to the bottomless pit of the deep, black, cold, hole. Just let it take me. Let it engulf me. I have no desire to find my way back to the top. Just let me sink…I only hope that I sink far enough this time that I don’t ever have to float back to the top. I pray that this time I will get to the bottom and stay there. I’m exhausted, even though I have done nothing to fight back. My fighting would be in vain anyways. It has already won. It has already taken over and immobilized me. I’m frozen. All I can do is let it have me. Consume me. Devour me. Demolish me. I think of ways that I can burrow deep into the bottom of the hole so that I never have to make this journey again.

Depression.

If you have never experienced it, you have no way of understanding how destructive it is.

The medication helps me live a normal life the majority of the time. But the black, thick putrid ooze still has its victories. It’s a battle that I can’t seem to win.

A very close friend of mine gets so frustrated with me. “Fight!...just fight it this time. Don’t let it win this time Keri!” If it were only that easy. Oh, how I wish it was that easy.

When it sneaks in and steals my life away, I just want to escape from it…any way that I can. Anything to stop the overwhelming sadness that it brings. The sadness that I would rather die than face.

Will it always have a hold of me? Will I ever get to experience freedom from it?

I don’t know. I know I want to. I know that I would give anything to experience joy again. I know that I would do anything to stop it from greedily eating me alive. But until that day comes, I continue the battles. Hoping that even though I lose the battles, that some day I may win the war.

Mommy, the Birdie Told Me

The summer that my third son, Levi, was two or three years old, he had a very traumatic event happen to him.

I was doing the dishes and Levi came up to me and asked if I had seen his toy (I don’t remember exactly what toy it was.) I told him no and kept doing the dishes. A few seconds later, my husband informed me that he was going out to run some errands. As I finished cleaning up the kitchen, I listened to the boys playing downstairs. It was nice that they were playing together and even nicer that they were actually getting along! As long as the boys were occupied and happy, it allowed me to get some much needed chores done around the house.

Honk

Honk…honk

Honk

Honk

I ignored the car horn going off and continued with my work. The horn kept going off and as I cleaned, I wondered to myself what in the world was going on with the neighbors that somebody kept honking their horn.

The honking continued and got to the point of being annoying.

Honk

Honk…honk

Honk

This went on for a few minutes until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Who in the world would sit outside and continuously honk their horn over and over again? I was aggravated so I went outside to investigate.

I walked out the front door and the intense heat took my breath away. It was a hot one! I looked to my left where our van was parked and there at the window was my baby boy, screaming and crying and looking like he had taken a shower in his clothes!

His hair was stuck to his head and his clothes were soaked and pasted to his skin. With my face full of terror, I ran for the van as fast as I could feeling like I was moving in slow motion. I couldn’t get to him quick enough! I jerked open the van door and grabbed my trembling baby boy into my arms. I brought him into the cool house where both of us sobbed uncontrollably. I looked down at his arms and both were covered with bite marks. First I was bewildered, than my bewilderment turned to horror as I realized they were his own bite marks. He had gotten so upset that he had actually bitten himself over and over again! I cried as I held him in my arms and did what I could to get him and myself to calm down.

Immediately, I began telling myself what a terrible mother I was. How could I have let this happen? Oh my God….what if my baby had died in that van? The thought was too much for me and I began to cry even harder. How could I just assume that he was downstairs playing with his brothers? How did he get outside anyways? Why wasn’t I paying more attention? If he had died, it would have been my fault. I was a terrible mother! What kind of mother lets a thing like this happen to their child?

Then my baby boy told me a story that overwhelmed me.

After we both calmed down, I asked Levi, “Honey what were you doing in the van?”
“I wanted my toy.”
“When did you go outside?”
“When Daddy left.”
“How come you didn’t come back out of the van?”
“I couldn’t open the door.” (Some how he was able to open it to get in, but not back out.)
As I choked back the tears, I asked, “Why are there bite marks all over your arms?”
“I was scared.”
“Why were you honking the horn?”
“The little birdie told me to.”
“The little birdie?”
“Uh huh.”
“In the van?”
“Uh huh.”
“There was a bird in the van?”
“Uh huh. It had wings and told me to honk the horn.”

I am convinced that my little boy’s “birdie” was his guardian angel. He didn’t know the word for “angel” so he used what word he knew to describe something with wings…a “birdie”.

I sat there and held my drenched little boy in my arms and cried even more…but this time my tears were of gratefulness. My son could have died that day. If the angel had not told him to honk the horn, who knows when he would have been found. I do know that it would have been too late. I came close to knowing what it was like to lose a child, and I thank the Lord that he spared me from experiencing such a tragedy.

I know that God protected my son that day and it overwhelms me to know that God cares more about my child than I do (and believe me…there isn’t many things out there stronger or more abundant than a mother’s love for her child.)

What Am I Going To Do with My Life?

Normally, this is a question that a person would ask themselves in high school? But, here I am 39 years old and asking myself “What am I going to do with my life?”

When I was in high school, college wasn’t even a consideration. I knew that my family didn’t have the money, and I received absolutely no guidance from the so-called “guidance counselor”. I didn’t even know that I had “options” (student loans). I didn’t even bother to take my SAT/ACT…pathetic isn’t it? So, I started a career in Business at the early age of 15 typing banquet order forms for a catering office at a hotel. Through the years, I continued to excel and I am currently an Executive Assistant for the CEO at an environmental firm. I’m not trying to boast, but I’m very good at what I do, so I always assumed that the "corporate world" was what I was going to do for the rest of my life. Continue to move up the ladder and some day be an executive. The pay is good and the benefits are great. What more could I ask for?

A LOT MORE…contentment, happiness, satisfaction…actually living life…not just existing and going through the motions day-to-day.

I have taken those “career tests” and "personality tests" in the past, and always answered them based on what I was good at. I figured that if I was good at it, then I enjoyed it. Needless to say, by answering the tests like that, it always came up with the same result…Business! I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I started college almost a year ago and it opened me up to so many things that I had not considered. I have learned more about my interests and passions in the past year than I have my entire life-time.

A couple of days ago, I went back and took some of those same tests and truly answered them based on what I enjoyed…not what I was good at. The results came out very different!

It appears that Natural Science and Entrepreneurship are my top interests….hmmm, who would have thunk!

I do not want to spend the rest of my life doing something just because I’m good at it. I want to do something that I’m going to enjoy doing. I want to find satisfaction in doing something that I love and make a difference.

So now, I’m faced with the dilemma….

What am I going to do with my life?

Right now your guess is as good as mine…but I’m determined to keep searching until I figure it out.

God...I'm Done with My Temper-Tantrum...

Yes…I admit it. I have been having a temper tantrum for the last several years. Yes, you read that right…years!

I have been angry with God for the past several years, and just within the past six months or so I’ve realized that I’m done with my temper tantrum and ready to move on.

What caused my temper-tantrum?

I will never forget the night I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior at Camp ID-RA-HA-JE. I was 12 years old and it was one of the most powerful experiences I have ever encountered in my life. However, I didn’t become serious about my walk with the Lord until I was around 23 years old. What an incredible relationship I had with HIM! He was truly my breath of life every morning and what sustained me every second of every day. I never knew such love, peace, and comfort that could bring me incredible joy and happiness. He was constantly by my side and my time with Him grew more and more incredible each day.

And then things changed.

About seven years ago, things got really tough. Our family experienced financial hardship, which in turn caused a domino effect of problems from finances to personal issues. At the time, I felt that my faith remained strong.

And then it happened.

It felt as if one day the Lord just decided to pack up His bags and hit the road and leave me frail and helpless in the middle of my crises. I can go back and read page after page in my journal - crying out to the Lord, begging Him to be near me again. I wasn't asking Him to deliver me from my physical afflictions- but to just let me feel His presence again. “Lord! Lord! Lord!” I’d cry out. “Where are you? I need you! I need you more than ever…I can’t do this without you…” and NOTHING. Where had my God gone? Where was He in my most desperate time of need? Doesn’t the Bible promise that if we call out to Him, that He will be there?

Little was I to know, that my quest for God and personal hardships had just begun…

I shared my struggles with a few very close friends, and they did their very best to comfort me and encourage me. They reminded me of God’s promises and spoke all the right “Christianese” to me, and my struggles seemed to get worse.

Being a Christian, I knew all the stuff I was supposed to do – read my Bible, pray, pray, pray, read my Bible some more, pray some more, seek Godly counsel, pray some more, read my Bible some more, etc. I did do those things for a while, and it seemed like the more I did them, the harder my struggles became. Finally my struggles took over and consumed me and I just stopped. I stopped seeking for my Lord because I couldn’t handle the rejection anymore. It seemed that everything I had read, everything I had been taught, everything I believed about God was a lie. Where was my Comforter, my Shepherd, the guy that was supposed to carry me through my hardships (Footprints)? I became bitter, angry, and questioned everything I had ever known about my faith. Was all of this really true? How come the church never told me about this part of my relationship with Christ? All I had ever heard was how great it was. I was confused, I felt the ultimate rejection, and NO ONE had any answers for me. Was I done with this thing called Christianity? Was God real? If He was, why had He allowed this to happen to me?

I had so many questions, NO answers, and no where to turn. I felt abandoned. I felt lost. I felt alone. I felt frustrated. I felt fear. I felt hopeless. I felt defeated. I felt anger. I literally wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

*I look forward to sharing more with you in future blogs. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments.

ARGHHHH!!...I WANT MY OWN ROOM!!!

I have lived with my husband for the past 21 years of my life and we have always shared a room/bed. Up until the past few years, this has not been a problem. Now all of a sudden all I desire is a peaceful night’s rest without my husband interrupting it with his snoring and tossing and turning. I have noticed that on occasion when we don’t sleep together (he or I are out of town, etc.) how incredible my night’s rest is and how great it is to wake up feeling refreshed and energized…unlike the mornings that I share my bed with him. Here is a typical night’s sleep for me:

8:30 pm - Mike goes to bed and I stay up.

10:00 pm - I go to get into bed and Mike has his head in the upper left-hand corner of the bed and his feet in the lower right-hand corner of the bed. So basically, he has taken up the entire bed by sleeping diagonally. I crawl into bed and gently move his legs to his side of the bed. I watch the news.

10:30 pm - I shut off the light and settle in to fall asleep.

12:00 am - Mike is on his side and snoring in my ear. I gently wake him up and tell him to roll over. I go back to sleep.

12:30 am - Mike has rolled over onto his back and there is a freight train going through my bedroom. I wake him up and tell him to roll over onto his side.

1:45 am - I wake up because there is so much tossing and turning going on from “you know who.” He finally settles down and I fall back asleep.

2:25 am - Mike is on his side, snoring. I toss and turn as hard as I can so he wakes up a little bit and stops snoring.

3:05 am - Mike is on his side again, and snoring in my ear, but this time he has pushed me up against the edge of my side of the bed so that I have no room. I’m mad now. I push his shoulder rather abruptly and tell him to scoot over because he is hogging the bed and SNORING IN MY EAR!!

3:40 am - Mike is once again sleeping diagonally. I kick his legs (hard) (because I’m mad) until he is back on his side of the bed.

4:10 am - WHAT THE HECK…THE FREIGHT TRAIN IS BACK. I’ve had it! I get up, grab my pillow and head for the couch. This is ridiculous!

4:45 am - I’m supposed to get up and go to the gym. Mike is up and he’s all ready to go…bouncing around like a rabbit (because he has had plenty of restful sleep.) He wakes me up “Are you going to the gym?” I look at him sternly and think “Are you kiddin’ me?” I tell him no and go back to sleep. I have the best two hours sleep that I’ve had all night…Mike is at the gym and I have the bed all to myself!

So, that my friend’s is why I want my own room. Now some of you are thinking, “well, share a room and just get separate beds.” That is not going to work! I already have the majority of the dresser and closet space, and I still need more…hence having my own room would be perfect! And….don’t even get me started about having my own bathroom…

Please...Somebody Shut Off My Brain!!

Ok…so now I know why everyone is addicted to blogging. My mind has not shut off since I decided to start a blog. I keep thinking about all the stuff I want to blog about and all the stuff everyone is waiting on the edge of your seat for me to say (see previous blog)! My brain just keeps spinning and spinning and spinning…the ideas just keep coming and coming and coming! It’s enough to push me over that edge of insanity that I teeter on a daily basis!

But in the mean time…welcome to my journey through this thing called life. Some of you know me very well, and won’t be surprised by the things I have to say…others will be surprised by the things I have to say…others will judge me and determine that I’m a lost soul and will be going straight to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks…and yet others will just shake their heads and decide that they just feel sorry for me! But either way, I have determined that there will be times that I will be more transparent than what some people are comfortable with and that my blog is going to be a true reflection of who I truly am. So prepared or not…here I go… ~keri

p.s. This blog site is a "work in progress". If I wait to get it “perfect”, I won’t “hop on the bandwagon” for another 6 months!

OK...I'm a Hypocrite!

The following conversation took place between a good friend of mine and I. I started the conversation by saying:

“I’ve decided that I hate blogging.”

“Do you have a blog?”

“No, but I’ve just spent the last two hours looking at other people’s blogs and it was a complete waste of my time.”

“Why is that?”

“Everyone thinks that they have something significant to say and that other people actually want to hear it…when in all reality they were really saying nothing the entire time.”

“Yes, I’ve read some blogs like that myself. You know I have a blog right?”

“No, I didn’t know that. Why?”

“It’s mainly for my family. Because they live in another state, it’s a great way to keep them involved in our lives.”

I stop and think a moment…my family lives in Minnesota…I’m here in Colorado…my family is always wanting more pics and communication and I am terrible at it….hmmmm…maybe I should start a blog…

I reply, “Hey, can you tell me how to set up a blog?”

{Oh…and for those of you that know me, this will come as no surprise, but I’m a rebel without a cause. For the longest time, I refused to even look at blogs because I wasn’t about to do what “everybody else was doing”…I don’t have a reason…I just HATE hopping on bandwagons!}

So, here it is…my blog…where you too can waste your time reading about things that I feel are significant and OF COURSE everyone wants to hear about them!

~keri