Life?

Plain and simple….life is hard. I never imagined that marriage would be so much work and raising children would be so intimidating. I envy those people who have discovered how to live a life full of joy, no matter their circumstances, and I dream of being that type of person… some day.


I often think that I was born in the wrong era. I long for a simpler life in simpler times. I long for the days when families all lived close to each other and good neighbors were a part of the family. Those days are long gone in our society.


It is funny to me that I am 40 years old and yet; I still have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I know that I have four children to raise to the best of my ability and that I play a large role in how they live out the rest of their lives. I contemplate the mistakes I have made and wonder how those mistakes will impact them.


I wrestle with the demons from my past and I wonder if I will ever be set free from their grasp. I long for the simple things in life to bring me joy and complications to roll off my back.


In an earlier post I conveyed my struggles with love….what it means…what it doesn’t mean. I continue to wrestle with what true love is and how it portrays itself. I’m not convinced that mankind is capable of true love, and yet I find myself hopeful that we are.


I am definitely in a season of change, but what that change is I have no idea. I hate that life has become so complicated, but yet I am thankful for the opportunities that have come my way. Is this a part of what they call a mid-life crises. I don’t have a clue, and I laugh at the thought of it. (Is this where I get to go buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle?...Sounds good to me!)


I never in my wildest dreams thought that my life would end up as it has. As a teenage girl, I dreamed of the prince and princess relationship and the world of “happily ever after”. Now, as a woman of 40 years old, I realize that the land of “happily ever after” does not exist and that I was foolish to believe it in the first place. (Who is the cruel person behind this conspiracy?) Now that I have accepted where I am, I wonder what changes I can make to have a fulfilling and purposeful life. I want to make an impact on others. I want to be a source of encouragement and assistance to others. I want my life to reflect more than my selfish ambitions. I want my life to make a difference. I want my life to be about helping others and not about what I can accomplish for myself.


It is difficult to look outwards, when I have spent so many years looking inwards.

Go to Hell!!!

Jagged. Piercing. Hot. Pain that penetrates to the depths of my bones. Pain so intense that my body cannot take it for another second. Pain so agonizing that my body becomes numb from the severity of it. I never imagined that someone could endure such pain.


I look down to see my hand moving like a mechanical machine. Picking up shards of my shattered dreams and my brokenness, I stab them deep into my heart. Over and over again. Each shard piercing deeper and deeper into my soul. I have never felt such overwhelming sorrow in all my life.


I wake up to the sounds of uncontrollable, gut-wrenching sobbing and slowly realize that it is coming from me. As I come into consciousness, I become aware of my tear soaked face and pillow. Even though I understand that it was just a dream, the pain and hurt remains.


I relax back into my pillow and muster all the strength that I possibly can to get out of bed.


“Please….not another day to endure….”


I think back to just a few months ago. I think about how different my life was. I think about my relationship with God. God and I…we had something so very special. I was totally in love with Him. He was the center of my universe. I couldn’t wait to leap out of bed every morning and open my Bible so that I could be with Him and His Word. I was so in love with God that His joy overflowed out of me. God and I stayed in constant contact all day long - “praying without ceasing”. To some people, it probably seems very odd. But everything I said and did was with God on my mind. It was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I found my joy truly in Him – I needed nothing else!


But those days were gone!


In my mind, God had abandoned me in my deepest hour of need. He didn’t care. He was gone!


I reflected on the hours and hours that I cried out to Him. I prayed and prayed and prayed until I couldn’t pray anymore. Page after page after page in my journal - crying out to Him and begging Him to just let me feel Him by my side again. I wasn’t asking Him to solve my problems. I wasn’t asking Him to bless me. I wasn’t asking for anything. All I wanted to do was feel Him one last time. Was this just a tiny glimpse of what Christ felt while He hung on the cross?


“Please, please, please God…just let me know that You are there! Put me out on the streets. Take my husband and children. Do with me whatever You desire. Just let me know that You are by my side!”


Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The rejection and sorrow was more than I could bear. All of my childhood nightmares, (which were actually my reality) didn’t compare to the pain and abandonment that I experienced now.


I curled up into my familiar fetal position. Pulling myself into the tightest ball I possibly could; the only position that I have known for the past several months. Hours upon hours I would lie in my bed in this position begging God to just kill me. Begging Him, pleading with Him. “Please God just take my life. Please God give me peace and rest. I can’t take anymore.”


Will I be able to do it today? Will I be able to end my chamber of horrors today?


The funny thing about suicide is that, at first it starts as just a thought. A scary thought. At first I was scared because I was stunned that I would even think of such a thing. Then I realize that I’m scared because suicide is the only option to escape the pain and torture that I am enduring each and every day.

Soon the thought becomes very comfortable. Like a friend who stops by every day to sit out on the front porch and chat. Then, it develops into a plan. How. When. Where. That friend, becomes my best buddy. I’m not scared anymore. I am in action mode. I even feel liberated because I know that I am taking steps to free myself from the misery that has engulfed me.

I begin to take action. It’s actually a thrill at first. That last rush of adrenaline that lets me know that my soul isn’t completely dead. I begin to become intimate with my “buddy”, Suicide.


The next week becomes my death march.

The first day I plot when and where my suicide will take place. The second day, I research how many pills I need to take for it to be fatal. The third day I make sure that there are enough pills in the house to do the job. The fourth day, I hold the pills in my hand. Looking at them. Inspecting them. Getting used to how they feel in my hand. Thinking about the power they have to set me free. The fifth day, I line the pills up and get a big glass of water. The sixth day, I hold the pills up to my mouth and envision them going down my throat and bringing me the peace I long for.

The seventh day - the day that I will finally break free from the torture that slowly eats me alive from the inside. I have the pills. I have the water. I’m more than ready. I pour the pills into my hand -actually doubling the dose that I know is fatal. I pick up the water glass ready to chug. As I get ready to fling the pills into the back of my throat, a vision of my children fills my mind. My beautiful, amazing children. What would my suicide do to them? Would they feel like it was their fault? Oh no, I couldn’t do that to them. I couldn’t handle knowing that I destroyed their lives. NO! I cannot inflict any pain on them because I know how devastating pain is. I put down the glass of water and put the pills back into the bottle and return to the comfortable fetal position in my bed. Devastated once again because I am unable to end my torture of misery.


As I thought back through the past several months, the anger begins to boil in the depths of my soul. An anger that I didn’t think that I was capable of. An anger that had been lying dormant for years and years, only to come to the surface like an erupting volcano.


“Where are you now God?!! The people at church said that you would never abandon me! You would never forsake me! You would be my shepherd! You would take care of me! LIES!! All of it lies!!! Are you enjoying yourself watching me suffer?! I ask one simple thing….only to feel you by me side again...only to know that you are there! NOTHING!!! YOU GIVE ME NOTHING!!! They say you are a God of mercy!! HA! I have begged you and begged you for months to end my life – to end the intense pain that burns within the deepest depths of me!!! You won’t even grant me that!


I jump out of bed, raising my fists at God and shout -


I HATE YOU!!!!! Do you hear me? I HATE YOU!!!! DIDN’T I SUFFER ENOUGH AS A CHILD? DIDN’T I ENDURE ENOUGH PAIN AND HURT??!! YOU CALL YOURSELF GOD?! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF GOD ARE YOU THAT YOU ENJOY SEEING YOUR CHILD SUFFER TO THE POINT OF DEATH?! I HATE YOU!!


I raise my fists and I scream as loud as I can, “GOD IF THIS IS WHAT BEING A CHRISTIAN IS ABOUT THEN BOTH YOU AND IT CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!!”

“you are my child. I will never let you go.”

It wasn’t an audible voice I heard. It was more of a quiet, huge thought that filled every little space in my head. The millisecond that it happened, I clearly knew that it was God. There was absolutly no doubt when it happened and there is no doubt to this day.


An intense fear fills every part of me. (I believe I even physically cowered.) I wait for the lightning bolt to strike me down.


Then, an extreme sadness goes to my deepest depths. I know I hurt my Father. I fall to my knees sobbing uncontrollably and begging His forgiveness. My Daddy still loves me…. He is still by my side.


That was the first time that I had heard from God in months.

It would be the last time I would hear from Him for years.

Good Bye 2009!

As I brushed the confetti from my hair, I watched each piece fall to the ground. I couldn’t help but think that each piece that fell was a piece of 2009 – floating to the ground - gone, gone, never to be experienced again. Each piece that shaped my life over the past year. It can’t be changed. It can’t be recaptured. It is what it is…and now it is gone.

I thought through the past year. A year of heartache. A year of healing. A year of understanding – understanding myself – understanding others – understanding situations and circumstances – a new understanding of God. I learned a lot this past year – lessons that I would have rather not endured, but knowing the significance of what they meant in my life.

At times, life molded me, and at other times, I molded life.

Was it a bad year? Was it a good year? I can’t really answer that. A year of situations that I would have rather done without, but a year of significant growth and discovery. I suppose that it is impossible to have one without the other. I have been stuck for so many years. Stuck in a land of darkness and defeat. I don’t want to live there anymore. It is too hard. It is too devastating. It is a prison - A prison that I built around myself and couldn’t escape from no matter how hard I tried, and even though I knew the path out, I couldn’t find my way. Frustrating and heart wrenching – knowing that I put myself there, but yet I couldn’t break free.

I never thought that I would be where I am at the age of 40. Life didn’t exactly turn out as I had dreamed. I learned a lot about myself this past year – hard lessons - lessons of heartache; lessons of endurance; lessons of struggle; lessons of triumph. Lessons that I thought I learned the first time around, but realized that I had so much more to learn.

What will 2010 bring me? I have no idea and I’m not brave enough to imagine….after all, whatever I come up with can be significantly changed in a blink of an eye. I know that I’m stronger. I know that I have more wisdom. I know that I’m more cautious than I have ever been, but also more open than I have ever been. I also know that life can throw me on my rear at any time and I must always be ready to have the strength to pick myself up and continue on no matter how treacherous the journey becomes.

As much as I would love to sit here and tell you that I know I will make it because God is on my side, I’m just not quite there yet. God continues to bless my baby steps as I take the long, hard journey back to Him. However, I still feel like Jacob when he wrestled with the angel of the Lord and refused to give up until the Lord blessed him. Yes, I still feel like I’m in a wrestling match with my Lord – holding on for dear life and refusing to give up the fight until I am back in His arms and ready to receive His blessing. I have a new appreciation for my God. My God who continues to hold on tightly to me as I struggle to receive His love and mercy. I am a rebellious child at best – but who continues to hold on to my Daddy, because I know that I will never make it without Him holding me in the palm of His hand. I don’t know how I would ever make it without His unconditional love and mercy. I certainly don’t deserve it and it is hard for me to fathom that He can still love me as He does.

Love. I think that “love” is the biggest lesson I learned this past year. Love is not what I thought it was. Love didn’t become the definition that I gave it many, many years ago. Love has taken on a new significance in my life and love is something that I will never take lightly ever again. Love – an emotion that truly only God can understand and something that mankind manipulates to our own liking to meet whatever need we have at the time. Love, an emotion that only God can give a true definition to, and yet, man will never fully understand until we get to heaven. Love, an emotion that can fill us with extreme levels of elation and extreme levels of heartache. Love is not what we have conjured up in our minds, but something so much more significant and meaningful. When we finally understand love, we finally understand God. I still have a lot of learning to do; however, at least I know what love isn’t. It’s a start.

2010. What will it bring? What will it mean? How will it shape my life? I don’t know; but, I know that this is the first time in a very long time that I’m not scared to face it. I know that I will put up the good fight instead of falling like a limp rag to the ground in defeat. I still have doubts. I still have fears. There are the days that I don’t know how I can make it one more minute. Life can be so hard. It can overwhelm us. It can defeat us if we let it. There are times that I gave up. There are times that I fought and lost. There are times that I wondered what in the hell I was doing on this earth. There were times that I wondered why God ever let me be born in the first place.

I am a wounded and tired soul, with battle scars that will always be reminders of the hardships that I have endured. But, it is up to me to decide what I will do with those scars and how I will let them shape my future. I am the one that shapes my destiny. I am the one who is responsible for how my journey ends. I know that I will never make it without following my captain’s (God) orders – but yet I still try to fight Him. Lucky for me He has the patience to let me make my mistakes and still hold me in His arms when I am beaten up and defeated by my own doing.

Life is never what we thought it would be, but I suppose there is a certain beauty in that. What fun would it be if everything went exactly as we thought?

I swept up the confetti and threw it in the trash. Good bye 2009.

Welcome 2010 - whatever you may bring. I look forward to a year of learning, triumphs and failures, but yet still learning how to find the joy in it all.

WOW!!!

WOW!!! I don’t know what else to say! I have just witnessed the most amazing Baptism service ever!

When the service started today, there was a “reserved” section for the people that had planned to be baptized today. A handful of people were sitting in that section. But after our Pastor finished his sermon, people were coming out of the woodwork to be baptized! I had never seen anything like it. People fully clothed in their “church clothes” being baptized. They didn’t plan on being baptized…didn’t bring t-shirts and shorts or towels…they just got out of their seats and decided to get baptized.

And the amount of people! Oh my goodness! There were two baptismals, and the lines of people wrapped around the auditorium (the auditorium seats about 1500). There was never a gap waiting for a person to be baptized at either one of the baptismals…at times there were two people being baptized together! When it was time for the service to end (because there was another service in 30 minutes), people were still being baptized.

Also, this wasn’t your ordinary baptism atmosphere. The music was loud and it was a huge celebration…a PARTY is how our Pastor put it! It truly brought tears to my eyes to see these people being baptized and the entire church celebrating with them. The young, the old, the single, the married, children, teenagers…everyone was represented. And let me tell you, it was a huge PARTY! Talk about excitement, enthusiasm and people cheering and clapping. It was absolutely incredible! In all my years of attending church, I have never experienced anything like I experienced today. Amazing – I truly cannot find the words to express what was happening at our church.

And…the biggest blessing of all was seeing my children, Levi and Aislynn, baptized today. We are praising God and having our own special celebration! There is an amazing comfort knowing that all of my children are followers of Christ and that their security will forever be in Jesus! Thank you Lord for blessing my children with the amazing gift of eternal life!

Dinner at the Fisher Household

Dinner at the Fisher household is definitely a unique experience. There is a lot of controlled chaos. There is a lot of noise. Most importantly, there is a lot of laughter. Instead of trying to explain what a typical dinner hour looks like, I thought that I would just bring you into it. Pull up a chair and join us for dinner.

Keri: Who would like a baked potato tonight?

Fisher Children (singing in unison, with no prompting of course):

“If you like to talk to tomatoes…If a squash can make you smile…If you like to waltz with potatoes…Up and down the produce aisle...Have we got a show for you! VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales, VeggieTales"

{No…I’m not making this up!}

I finish serving the meal and sit down to join my family.

Levi says the brief but meaningful prayer. Amen!

Immediately the kids begin to argue over who gets to do “High/Low” for the night. We finally decide that it is Austin’s turn and he begins with a British accent.

"Mother, what was your high for the day?”

“I got all of the laundry done!”

Austin, continuing in the British accent, “And what was your low?”

“I really didn’t have one”

All the kids: “Nope…nope Mom…you have to have a low. It’s the lowest point of your day.”

“Ok…I had to do the laundry.”

Austin: “Aislynn, what was your high for the day”

Aislynn: “I got a lollipop in Spanish.”

The boys immediately break out in song:

“Lollipop lollipop. Oh lolli lolli lolli. Lollipop *POP*

(Yes, they actually stuck their fingers in their mouth and made the “popping” sound.)

Mike and I burst out laughing and look at each other “where the heck did that come from?!”

Austin continues around the table and stays in character the whole time. (Oh, by the way, even though you are a guest here this evening, it doesn’t let you off the hook…so get ready to answer!)

Once Austin finishes with everyone around the table, he becomes quiet. This is our cue…someone at the table has to ask Austin what his high and low were.

Aislynn: “Austin what was your high today?”

Austin psyches everyone up and begins making motions in the air with his arms:

“Suspense…suspense…suspense…”

He keeps at it for so long we all finally shout “Austin!

After “High/Low” the chaos begins. We are reminding each child not to interrupt and that there is a certain decibel level that our ears can handle. The funny thing is that they are not being obnoxious or unruly…they are just truly excited to share their day, thoughts, ideas, etc. with us.

What? What is this? An actual brief moment of silence?? I jump at the chance and say:

“Have I mentioned how overwhelming my life is right now?”

Michael (not missing a beat):

“You think your life is bad? Think of the hobo down the street. Obama wants him to take his cardboard box, rip it into pieces, and share it with the other hobos.”

We are all laughing…even Aislynn, who doesn’t understand a lick about politics, but still thinks it’s funny. I am impressed that my 15 year old has a good understanding of the philosophy of our current president.

I look over at Michael. He is twitching. I stare at him for a moment and then the rest of the family stops what they are doing and stare as well.

“Michael WHAT are you doing?”

“I’m having a seizure, but it’s ok…I’m controlling it.”

We ALL bust a gut and laugh for a good five minutes or so. I laugh so hard that I’m about to fall out of my chair.

(Sidenote: Do you know who the Animaniacs are? If you don’t, you need to listen to this clip to have a good understanding of what is coming next (you don’t need to watch the whole thing…just get an idea..although the funniest quotes are at the end of the clip.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsBq_K1WLsE

So…as we continue to eat our meal, all of a sudden Michael begins talking with a perfect “Animaniacs” voice.

"Helloo. My name is Mr. Fisher and I’m a stack of wheat. I’m not wearing any pants.”

My kids burst out laughing and Mike and I look at each because we have no idea what Michael is talking about or why our children think that this little episode is so darn hilarious! Apparently we are missing out on something.

But…we can’t help but find Michael’s impersonation hysterical and join in the laughter.

(By the way, this complete randomness is very normal at our home.)

No. I have not made any of this up. This is a typical dinnertime at the Fisher household. I don’t think I could make up this stuff if I wanted to. There is a limit to my imagination. Luckily for me though, there is NO limit to my children’s imagination.

I can honestly say that dinner with my family is such a joy. I truly mean that. My kids have such a sense of humor that they always make me laugh. One thing is for sure…it is rare that we have a dinner hour that we are not laughing and enjoying each other’s company. I think that God understands how important having fun and laughter are to me, so He gave me this extra special blessing in my life. There are times that my heart grows sorrowful when I think about my children being gone and on with lives of their own. My heart sinks a bit. Those thoughts are fleeting though as I remind myself how important it is to enjoy the here and now…because before I know it, those days will be gone. I can’t help but smile from ear to ear right now…already excited about tomorrow night’s dinner. If your ever in the area, stop by and join us. You’re always welcome!

P.S. Tonight I was serenaded by Levi – “We All Live in a Yellow Submarine”

My Son Austin...He Makes Me Laugh!

Okay, before I even start this blog, I'm going to give you fair warning that some of you may be offended. But this is my blog and I don't get uptight about a lot of things that most people do...and besides, I'm an Olson...we don't know how to be discreet!

First, let me explain the setting. Our main bathroom has two doors. One leads to the hallway and the other leads to my bedroom.

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the bathroom and went into my bedroom and shut the door to change my shirt. As I was getting dressed, I realized that I needed to put on some deodorant. I was in my bra and pants and had not heard anyone go into the bathroom, so I opened the door and walked in. There stood my son, Austin (12 years old) with a look of absolute horror on his face.

"MOM! PUT YOUR SHIRT ON!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!"

After realizing how horrified he was, I couldn't help but laugh. The look on his face was absolutely priceless. I reply,

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were in here." (Chuckle, chuckle)

"Don't worry, in a couple of years you won't think about anything but boobs!"

Austin replies,

"I already think about boobs all the time...JUST NOT YOURS!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!"

Here it is, weeks later and I still can't stop thinking about this incident and laughing. What would Freud think???? Frankly, I don't care. If you can't laugh at life...especially with family...who can you laugh with!

What I Hope to Instill in My Children Before They Leave Home...

1. Jesus is your Lord & Savior. Without Him, you are nothing. Your relationship with Him needs to be your #1 priority. Nurture it. Protect it. Devote your time and energy to it. Because of our sinful nature and our natural rebellion, once you lose it, it is very difficult to restore.
2. ALWAYS follow God’s will. If you don’t know God’s will, see #1.
3. Go to church every Sunday – no matter what!
4. Always remember that there is NOTHING God can’t handle. The key is giving it to Him and get out of the way!
5. Understand that life is difficult and hardly ever fair. Always do your very best and work very hard.
6. Tell the truth. Be responsible. Keep your word…they become a part of your character and integrity.
7. Never hesitate to help someone in need.
8. Never, ever hesitate to ask for help in any circumstance.
9. Mistakes and failures are opportunities to gain wisdom and experience. Never be afraid to make them and always apply what you learned.
10. If you always put others first, you will always be able to resolve any conflict.
11. Never hesitate to say you’re sorry. If you truly mean it, it can be the most powerful statement in a relationship.
12. Always have close friends that you can depend on, trust, and laugh A LOT with.
13. Never pass up an opportunity to try something new. It never hurts to try something at least once as long as it isn’t harmful to yourself or others.
14. Always, always, always be kind and respectful to others no matter who they are. You never know what a person has endured or what they are going through.
15. Know WHAT you believe, WHY you believe it and HOW to defend it.
16. There is a vast, exciting world out there just waiting for you. After you graduate high school, take a year to travel and experience it before you start college.
17. Before you decide on a career, take every personality and career test you can. Have a good understanding of who you are, what your passions are, and what you would like to accomplish in life.
18. Understand that you will not make it far in this world without a degree or learning a specific trade.
19. Choose a career that you enjoy doing and are passionate about. Remember, you will be doing it for the next 40-50 years of your life.
20. Learn everything you possibly can regarding finances.
21. Do NOT go into debt. If you don’t have the money – don’t buy it!
22. As much as we don't want it to be, understand that money and financial security are key to leading a stress-free life. This doesn’t mean that you have to be rich to be happy – it means that you need to be financially secure and live within your means.
23. Start investing in a 401k as soon as you possibly can. The earlier the better…even if it’s just $50/month. Do not touch this money for ANY reason!
24. Be VERY disciplined with your money. Save 10%, tithe 10%, and invest any extra funds you may have.
25. Date a variety of people. This will help you understand the type of spouse you are interested in spending the rest of your life with.
26. Love, sex, and marriage are sacred. Take them very seriously.
27. While God gave us the beautiful gifts of marriage and parenting, understand that both require a tremendous amount of work and grace.
28. Do not consider marriage until you are 28-30 years old.
29. Marry someone who is passionate about the same things you are.
30. Once you are married ALWAYS honor your spouse in every circumstance.
31. Never stop showing your spouse how much you love him/her and show it often.
32. Never stop learning. You will appreciate your education and gain even more knowledge if you have a thirst to learn.
33. You will never know everything and everyone you meet can teach you something.
34. Learn to appreciate the very simple things in life…dancing in the rain, a mug of hot chocolate on a cold day, building a snowman, wildflowers, laughter, friendship, puppies, music, warm cookies…
35. Exercise and stay active. Eat healthy and get plenty of rest. You will be surprised how it influences your life from your day-to-day activities to major decisions. The healthier you are the more you will enjoy life…especially in the late years.
36. Play as much as you can. Never suppress the child inside of you. Being footloose and fancy-free can be such a release.
37. Do everything you want to do before you have children. They truly do change your lifestyle.
38. Once you have children, make them a priority and don’t let a day go by without expressing your love to them. It is truly amazing how quickly they grow up and out of your reach.
39. To children, time is love. Always clear a spot in your schedule for them.
40. Understand ahead of time that your children WILL make mistakes and you need to let them. It may be the most important thing they do as they grow up.
41. Always be willing to listen and respect ANY child or teenager. You would be surprised how much they can enlighten you.

ARGHHHH!!...I WANT MY OWN ROOM!!!

I have lived with my husband for the past 21 years of my life and we have always shared a room/bed. Up until the past few years, this has not been a problem. Now all of a sudden all I desire is a peaceful night’s rest without my husband interrupting it with his snoring and tossing and turning. I have noticed that on occasion when we don’t sleep together (he or I are out of town, etc.) how incredible my night’s rest is and how great it is to wake up feeling refreshed and energized…unlike the mornings that I share my bed with him. Here is a typical night’s sleep for me:

8:30 pm - Mike goes to bed and I stay up.

10:00 pm - I go to get into bed and Mike has his head in the upper left-hand corner of the bed and his feet in the lower right-hand corner of the bed. So basically, he has taken up the entire bed by sleeping diagonally. I crawl into bed and gently move his legs to his side of the bed. I watch the news.

10:30 pm - I shut off the light and settle in to fall asleep.

12:00 am - Mike is on his side and snoring in my ear. I gently wake him up and tell him to roll over. I go back to sleep.

12:30 am - Mike has rolled over onto his back and there is a freight train going through my bedroom. I wake him up and tell him to roll over onto his side.

1:45 am - I wake up because there is so much tossing and turning going on from “you know who.” He finally settles down and I fall back asleep.

2:25 am - Mike is on his side, snoring. I toss and turn as hard as I can so he wakes up a little bit and stops snoring.

3:05 am - Mike is on his side again, and snoring in my ear, but this time he has pushed me up against the edge of my side of the bed so that I have no room. I’m mad now. I push his shoulder rather abruptly and tell him to scoot over because he is hogging the bed and SNORING IN MY EAR!!

3:40 am - Mike is once again sleeping diagonally. I kick his legs (hard) (because I’m mad) until he is back on his side of the bed.

4:10 am - WHAT THE HECK…THE FREIGHT TRAIN IS BACK. I’ve had it! I get up, grab my pillow and head for the couch. This is ridiculous!

4:45 am - I’m supposed to get up and go to the gym. Mike is up and he’s all ready to go…bouncing around like a rabbit (because he has had plenty of restful sleep.) He wakes me up “Are you going to the gym?” I look at him sternly and think “Are you kiddin’ me?” I tell him no and go back to sleep. I have the best two hours sleep that I’ve had all night…Mike is at the gym and I have the bed all to myself!

So, that my friend’s is why I want my own room. Now some of you are thinking, “well, share a room and just get separate beds.” That is not going to work! I already have the majority of the dresser and closet space, and I still need more…hence having my own room would be perfect! And….don’t even get me started about having my own bathroom…