What Am I Going To Do with My Life?

Normally, this is a question that a person would ask themselves in high school? But, here I am 39 years old and asking myself “What am I going to do with my life?”

When I was in high school, college wasn’t even a consideration. I knew that my family didn’t have the money, and I received absolutely no guidance from the so-called “guidance counselor”. I didn’t even know that I had “options” (student loans). I didn’t even bother to take my SAT/ACT…pathetic isn’t it? So, I started a career in Business at the early age of 15 typing banquet order forms for a catering office at a hotel. Through the years, I continued to excel and I am currently an Executive Assistant for the CEO at an environmental firm. I’m not trying to boast, but I’m very good at what I do, so I always assumed that the "corporate world" was what I was going to do for the rest of my life. Continue to move up the ladder and some day be an executive. The pay is good and the benefits are great. What more could I ask for?

A LOT MORE…contentment, happiness, satisfaction…actually living life…not just existing and going through the motions day-to-day.

I have taken those “career tests” and "personality tests" in the past, and always answered them based on what I was good at. I figured that if I was good at it, then I enjoyed it. Needless to say, by answering the tests like that, it always came up with the same result…Business! I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I started college almost a year ago and it opened me up to so many things that I had not considered. I have learned more about my interests and passions in the past year than I have my entire life-time.

A couple of days ago, I went back and took some of those same tests and truly answered them based on what I enjoyed…not what I was good at. The results came out very different!

It appears that Natural Science and Entrepreneurship are my top interests….hmmm, who would have thunk!

I do not want to spend the rest of my life doing something just because I’m good at it. I want to do something that I’m going to enjoy doing. I want to find satisfaction in doing something that I love and make a difference.

So now, I’m faced with the dilemma….

What am I going to do with my life?

Right now your guess is as good as mine…but I’m determined to keep searching until I figure it out.

God...I'm Done with My Temper-Tantrum...

Yes…I admit it. I have been having a temper tantrum for the last several years. Yes, you read that right…years!

I have been angry with God for the past several years, and just within the past six months or so I’ve realized that I’m done with my temper tantrum and ready to move on.

What caused my temper-tantrum?

I will never forget the night I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior at Camp ID-RA-HA-JE. I was 12 years old and it was one of the most powerful experiences I have ever encountered in my life. However, I didn’t become serious about my walk with the Lord until I was around 23 years old. What an incredible relationship I had with HIM! He was truly my breath of life every morning and what sustained me every second of every day. I never knew such love, peace, and comfort that could bring me incredible joy and happiness. He was constantly by my side and my time with Him grew more and more incredible each day.

And then things changed.

About seven years ago, things got really tough. Our family experienced financial hardship, which in turn caused a domino effect of problems from finances to personal issues. At the time, I felt that my faith remained strong.

And then it happened.

It felt as if one day the Lord just decided to pack up His bags and hit the road and leave me frail and helpless in the middle of my crises. I can go back and read page after page in my journal - crying out to the Lord, begging Him to be near me again. I wasn't asking Him to deliver me from my physical afflictions- but to just let me feel His presence again. “Lord! Lord! Lord!” I’d cry out. “Where are you? I need you! I need you more than ever…I can’t do this without you…” and NOTHING. Where had my God gone? Where was He in my most desperate time of need? Doesn’t the Bible promise that if we call out to Him, that He will be there?

Little was I to know, that my quest for God and personal hardships had just begun…

I shared my struggles with a few very close friends, and they did their very best to comfort me and encourage me. They reminded me of God’s promises and spoke all the right “Christianese” to me, and my struggles seemed to get worse.

Being a Christian, I knew all the stuff I was supposed to do – read my Bible, pray, pray, pray, read my Bible some more, pray some more, seek Godly counsel, pray some more, read my Bible some more, etc. I did do those things for a while, and it seemed like the more I did them, the harder my struggles became. Finally my struggles took over and consumed me and I just stopped. I stopped seeking for my Lord because I couldn’t handle the rejection anymore. It seemed that everything I had read, everything I had been taught, everything I believed about God was a lie. Where was my Comforter, my Shepherd, the guy that was supposed to carry me through my hardships (Footprints)? I became bitter, angry, and questioned everything I had ever known about my faith. Was all of this really true? How come the church never told me about this part of my relationship with Christ? All I had ever heard was how great it was. I was confused, I felt the ultimate rejection, and NO ONE had any answers for me. Was I done with this thing called Christianity? Was God real? If He was, why had He allowed this to happen to me?

I had so many questions, NO answers, and no where to turn. I felt abandoned. I felt lost. I felt alone. I felt frustrated. I felt fear. I felt hopeless. I felt defeated. I felt anger. I literally wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

*I look forward to sharing more with you in future blogs. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments.